


soulmate blues

by Hieiandshino



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Lovers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Second Person, Reborn/Hibari and Reborn/Lambo happen when they are adults, Reborn/Hibari implied/referenced once, Reborn/Lambo implied/referenced once, Strangers to Lovers, also doesn't really work but you get it, reborn/lambo is just mentioned as to happen in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 09:12:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16060022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hieiandshino/pseuds/Hieiandshino
Summary: Your soulmate mark is on your ribs, underneath your heart. It’s a small musical sheet, the beginning of a symphony.





	soulmate blues

**Author's Note:**

> _Katekyo Hitman Reborn!_ does not belong to me.
> 
> Thank you for DuendeJunior for reading this story <3 Any mistakes are my own.
> 
>  **Soulmate's mark's style** : the tattoo is the first thing you hear from your soulmate.

****Your soulmate mark is on your ribs, underneath your heart. It’s a small musical sheet, the beginning of a symphony that isn’t so popular and for once you are grateful for this. Your mother, when she was still alive, was delighted to see it and searched everywhere for its meaning, so when you had your first lesson on what a soulmate was, she could show you.

It was beautiful and exhilarating, because not everyone has their soulmate mark so specific and unique, but you deserve this.

It’s the song you play when your mother dies, in her funeral, though few people understand. It’s not proper to have classical music on a traditional Japanese funeral, but your father allows it because he understands. Comfort comes in many ways.

.

After your father dies and you are all alone, you shut down your feelings and starts training to become stronger physically so death will never catch you. You gain respect and fear — the same thing in your eyes — and you rule Nanimori with the same iron fist you do everything else.

The only thing you keep from your past is the song. Beautiful and stupidly rare, and yet you don’t want to meet your soulmate. To lose her — her, because of course it’s a woman — like your father lost your mother, like you lost both, is absurd. You are happy with the recorded form.

At least, you know that it takes time to find your soulmate. Few people are capable of finding their loved ones during adolescence because the world is so vast and they could be anywhere. It gives you comfort that the woman for you is not going to be easy to find, or that you won’t find her at all.

And then, one day, when you are sixteen, you listen to that music playing on the music room and you can feel your soulmate’s fingers playing each key on your skin. Dread fills you as you enter and then—

—A silver haired boy stares at you, surprised at the intromission. You stare back at him and—

“ _No._ ”

.

You don’t talk about it.

You don’t talk about it.

You don’t talk about it.

That never happened.

.

Fate is a terrible thing. The _boy_ is two years younger and you see him everywhere. You don’t bother to learn his name, and you fight him every possible day — physically and emotionally —, to remind yourself that he is weak and he is just some common herbivore that doesn’t deserve your soul.

He is so weak.

He is so weak.

He is so weak.

.

He saves you, then. You hold him because he no longer can walk, but he freed you from Mukuro’s trap and so you owe him that much. You don’t think much about it, because you weren’t raised to be with a _man_.

( _he is so warm he is so warm he is so warm he is so warm_ )

.

“You’re not my first option either.” He tells you one day. You stare at him for a moment, not really interested on what he has to say. “Hell, you’re not even on my top _five_.”

“Good.” You say, and there is no anger.

.

Except there is. You have never been this offended in your entire _life._

.

And then he suddenly disappears.

Such a weird thing, that. He disappears together with his friends, one by one. Yamamoto Takeshi, a herbivore you don’t bother with and who seems a little bit too infatuated with your not-soulmate, as you call that disgusting herbivore, asks if you had seem any of them, you being the leader of the Disciplinary Committee and all, but that’s the first time you heard about any of that.

Soon, he too disappears.

Dino Cavallone says they are looking into it, as it’s something really unexpected. You shrug, but he sees the way your body tenses and he’d seen your soulmate tattoo once, saying “Doesn’t Gokudera play the piano?” right after and your anger had been confirmation enough, how _stupid._

But you don’t care, you _don’t care_ and you prove that by sleeping on the ceiling of the school after a training session.

You wake up to smoke and screams and when you look, he is right there.

And he proceeds to save you again.

.

This is the future.

This is the future and the herbivore doesn’t look at you. The tips of his ears are red, though, and soon you find out your older version was still alive and here all this time. With them. With him.

Dread fills you, and you try not to think of it.

.

There is a piano on their headquarters and you hate it. You find it when you listen to that music again as you walk past the doors, and it gives you pause again. Your soulmate mark is warm once more and you cover it with your fingers before moving on again, without entering the door.

But you dream of what you would find in there. And the dream clings to you until you get back to Nanimori, on the right year.

.

You are eighteen when Dino Cavallone finally talks to you about it. You’re not interested, because you are not going to start sleeping with men ( _or anything, really, but mostly_ men) all of sudden, just because your soulmate is one.

Dino stares at you for a long time before he says, softly: “But have you ever felt attraction towards men or women before?”

.

And here is the thing: no. No, you never felt attraction to women, but men… You noticed their strength. You assessed their bodies. You looked for flaws, you stared at their muscles, you analyzed every piece of them. You never bothered with women. And maybe, _just maybe_ ( _there is this tiny voice that sounds a lot like Dino_ ), that wasn’t just because you were measuring their strength.

Still, it takes you three more years to accept that. To self analyze, to break your own walls and wonder, and research, and read, and find things about yourself. You remember Ryohei’s muscles, the first time you saw them. You remember the sweat dripping from Yamamoto Takeshi’s face. You remember Dino Cavallone’s smile and Sawada Tsunayoshi’s eyes.

And you’ve felt that herbivore ( _you still can’t use his name_ ) fingers on your skin every time he played that song and you passed by.

.

He’s so much older that you barely recognize him ( _what a lie_ ), after so long without seeing him. After high school, one he didn’t go with you ( _you were not disappointed, you weren’t, really_ ), he went on a training session that lasted the past two years. He is twenty and so serious, though his eyes are soft, and you are twenty two and finally ready — for something.

When you two meet, he barely looks at you. You shouldn’t fault him, but you do.

.

You taste his name on your lips that night, _Gokudera Hayato_ , the first time you ever said it out loud. There is this bitter taste of self-hatred that still lingers after years of acceptance, but it’s still sweet. Feels right.

You remember his red ears when you were in the future — now getting each day closer and closer — and you wonder what that was about.

.

Gokudera Hayato is much stronger now, even though he still can’t beat you. Not that he should be able to — nobody can. Still he pulls up a good fight after Ryohei convinces you two of sparring, winking at you in the end as if he was doing you a favor.

He is, but you’ll never admit that.

When Gokudera Hayato is out of breath, panting underneath you, eyes a cold green, calculating routes, you understand why he belongs so close to your heart, why he belongs to you entirely.

You lower your tonfa for just a second, leans in for a kiss because you are not thinking, and receives a punch right in the mouth.

 _Son of a bitch_.

.

He is competent and the omnivere is so glad to have him there. Gokudera Hayato takes in task after task, always with a smile ( _you hate that_ ) and a tone that says it is his pleasure to help ( _you wonder if he would use this tone in bed and suddenly you are very hard_ ). Soon he takes over the most boring parts of the job and everyone is thankful.

He still won’t look at you. And yet he will smile every time he is on the phone with Yamamoto Takeshi, and oh, you hate both of them so much now.

.

Reborn fucks you and he fucks with you, teasing you in bed about Gokudera Hayato. It makes you push back, try to really hurt him, and he likes it every time you do it. And then you decide to play this game and wonder if he is just training for when that cow grows up. Because Reborn nor Lambo Bovino have soulmate marks, and yet he has seen his older version and that scar on his wrist, an ‘R’ that made each one of the guardians tense up, even you, because you know what that means.

Reborn becomes serious and doesn’t mention Gokudera Hayato again because he leaves in the middle of your game, suddenly uninterested and flacid. You watch him leave with a smile on your face.

.

The omnivore only pretends he’s stupid. That is the truth. Nobody who trained for so long with Reborn is _that_ innocent and when he gives you a mission, saying it is important that no mistakes are made, and tells you will not be going alone, you already know what that means.

Gokudera Hayato is tense during the whole trip to the airport and during the whole flight. You dare to touch his thigh in the middle of the flight, for everyone to see, and he freezes before he swats your hand away, making a disgruntled noise.

This will be more difficult than it should.

.

Or maybe not.

.

The mission is not over, but the London rain soaks through the fabric of your clothes, and you two run to the hotel’s lobby for protection. It’s only day two and you hate it already, but when you look at Gokudera Hayato, his hair is clinging to the skin on his face and neck and his eyes have a bit of an amused shine. He stares at you with a rare smirk, that disappears the moment you hold his chin with your fingers, the damp skin still giving off heat. To you.

He takes a step back, looking away and licking his lips, not saying anything. When he finds his voice — small, undecided — it’s to tell you he is going to his room now for a shower.

You know an opening when you see it, and you follow him, even though he says you can’t, he won’t let you in. Still, you barge in and you hold him against the door, your arms wrapped around him firmly.

You don’t kiss him, you don’t touch him inappropriately, you just hold him, his back on your chest, his forehead against the wooden door, until he entwines his fingers in yours and leans in on your body, whispers your first name like it’s a prayer, and lets you in like you should have done the moment you saw him when you were sixteen.

.

Hayato has his tattoo on his lower back, now stylized to look anything but _no_. _Non sibi, sed omnibus_ stares back at you as if you could understand the meaning, but all you think it must have been horrible to have your first word — only word — being a denial. You wonder how many times he heard that, waiting for the skin to warm the dejection, and maybe he does have reason to have hated you for a long time.

You still ignore that to kiss him there, just to make him gasp because it is so near some parts of his body, something you love and will enjoy it thoroughly in the future.

He is not compliant and he swears a lot. Fights you all the way until you have no choice but to fuck him hard against the sheets, first on his back and then on his stomach, Hayato first swearing threats because of the positions and then swearing threats if you dare to stop. As if you could.

There are claw marks on your shoulders and a bite on your neck. He bruised your thighs and licked your stomach clean of his semen, just to kiss you right after. And then, he touches your own mark and touches each note as if he were playing the piano, beginning that music. There is no sound, but you can feel it warm again, like that first time.

You hold his fingers and kiss them, closing your eyes. When you open them again, he has this look on his face, just like the one he had on the lobby, and you ask what it is.

“Just— Something your future version told me long ago.”

“What was it?”

His face becomes redder and redder, until it reaches his ears and you smirk at this.

.

{his name is gokudera hayato and he knows his life will not be easy. that is before his mother and before his father and even before meeting tenth, because his soulmate tattoo is _no_ . _no._ and of course that is something he hears every fucking day until he is fourteen and such a little shit and a boy named hibari kyouya, the worst person in the fucking world, tells him this and it warms like it should — or shouldn’t — do.

and then there is yamamoto and mukuro and the varia and suddenly he is in the future, lost and still so angry.

hayato can’t sleep so he goes to the kitchen and there he is, hibari fucking kyouya, now older and taller than him, and still super attractive, sipping something that smells like green tea. hayato blushes even though he doesn’t want to and proceeds to ignore him because _fuck him_. it doesn’t work and soon hibari is right there, clutching at his chin and saying he forgot hayato was _this cute_ and he blushes and hibari smirks and says “i wish i had you before” and _what the fuck_.

when hibari is almost dying, something breaks inside hayato, probably his heart, only to beat faster and stronger than ever when what emerged from all that was hibari again, but sixteen and ridiculously sleepy.

 _you are so fucked_ , he thinks, _so fucked he doesn’t even want you and you are here to change this future so_

but}

.

Hayato doesn’t look you in the eye when he finishes telling you this, but you can’t fault him for that. You think of what your future self told him, and understands in a level that Hayato from the past wouldn’t.

You spent so many of those years _not looking_ that now that he says it, you cannot picture him in your mind. His younger self is a blur of memories you barely manage to hold, and you imagine half of the time what Hayato was back then, instead of remembering him like he truly was.

You barely remember his face when he was younger, too busy in denying everything to yourself more than any other. You don’t remember what he looked like when he was fourteen and such a brat, and you swallow and taste regret on your tongue, so strong you feel it will never leave.

Hayato, however, stares at you, as if he could read your thoughts, and closes the distance between you two for a kiss. It tastes like forgiveness and redemption and other things only the future holds.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I had more time and patience to write about Hibari discovering himself and overcoming his internalized homofobia, but this story wasn't about this. Besides, it was really late and I was very tired and had other three stories to write, so...
> 
> Still, I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> If you guys like my writing and, I don't know, want to give me something to write, this is [my tumblr](http://nightmareduringxmas.tumblr.com/)!


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